work fatigue.

It's 12.35am right now and I'm not in my best headspace. I mean, I haven't been in a good headspace in a while now, especially with what I'm dealing with, with respect to my family's situation right now. 

I'm feeling the work fatigue. I've been with my organisation for almost 3 years now, and I must say, this is considered a long period for people my age. Most of my friends are already in their 2nd or 3rd organisation, but I'm still with my first. The environment and people are definitely what I find it hard to give up, and especially the work-life balance. I always end work at 5.30pm. It was only during my peak period where I had to slog for my project that I OT-ed till almost 9pm and had calls till 11pm. It's really rare for us to OT.

But recently I've been feeling very very unmotivated at work. My job scope as compared to my colleagues', deal with a lot of the company's funds, and my scope is very time-sensitive as well. For instance, making sure the trade is completed on time (have to ensure the funds have been credited/debited promptly); making sure the account numbers are all correct, etc. It's very back-end/operational, but it's so important because it concerns money. And I'm feeling the stress. 

Why the sudden stress after working for 3 years?

I don't know either. Perhaps because everyone is working from home (not only us, but our affiliates and even people from the banks as well), and it's so difficult to communicate properly and get hold of people easily? People take longer time to return calls and emails, so it's so hard to chase them for things. 

Also not going to lie, I feel very very under-appreciated at work. I've been cleaning up shit for people, and they don't even know it because people always come looking for me to clean up shit, thinking that I'm responsible for those items. And my manager has always said it's not nice to throw people under the bus. So maybe I shouldn't be calculative and tell on them and be like HEY HEY THE ONE WHO MADE THIS MISTAKE ISN'T ME BUT XXX???? I have no idea. It's like a moral decision. 

I don't know. But day by day I'm feeling the fatigue and unhappiness. I really shouldn't complain because I have a job and honestly the environment is considered pretty good, but I'm just feeling all the stress from work lately. Maybe because I'm handling more serious projects these days?

I should stop complaining because these things all sound very minor. I feel so embarrassed rereading what I wrote after typing all these chunk of words because they really sound so trivial LOL. But I just want to acknowledge and validate my own feelings at this point of time. All I need is a break from work. I just have to endure till the end of this week and then I'll start to clear my leave soon.