brain fart 777.

Taking a commercial break from work this lunch to drop in to say that I had a brain fart moment at work yesterday. 

Due to the nature of my work involving a lot of keying in of numbers, I had all along be using an external wireless number keypad. As we were having a full day of meetings with external parties in one of our meeting rooms yesterday, I had brought down my keypad in case I had key in some figures. I had brought a tote to dump my bottle, my keypad, my bank tokens, snacks to get through the day etc. and headed to the meeting room.

Halfway through the meeting, I realised my keyboard kept typing 777777777 on its own. REPEATEDLY. It would continuously type 7, and stop typing, and then type 7 again. 

This was the image screenshot that I had snipped to show my colleagues and IT. 

During the meeting, I even googled "why does my laptop keep typing 777777 on its own" and there are even threads on microsoft helpdesk with people asking the same questions, so I thought it was a real issue or something wrong with my motherboard ok. 

My IT even told me that it could be dust trapped below the keyboard and he helped me to deep cleanse my laptop because it was so filthy from the dust HAHAHAHAHAH. And then he asked me if I am using an external keypad, then I said oh yes, then I showed him my keypad. Then hs said, plug it out, maybe this keypad has issue too. And he helped me to clean it.

After he said that, A LIGHTBULB APPEARED ABOVE MY HEAD. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF IT? REMEMBER THAT I HAD BROUGHT A TOTE DOWN FOR THE MEETING? I was actually leaning on the bag the whole time, and it could have been my fat ass that was pressing against the keypad and pressing 7 repeatedly. FML.

True enough, after I realised this and repositioned my keypad, the number 7 stopped appearing...

What a brain fart moment. 

I was too embarrassed to confess my mistake to my IT and my colleagues and all I can do is blame it on a glitch on my laptop.

This shall be my dirty little secret between me and you, reader(s). 

exhausted.

It's 2.22am and I should be sleeping, but I can't sleep. It's only 23 days (now 24 days since it's past midnight) but I have fallen sick, again. What a start to the new year. Well at least I am sick now, instead of falling sick over the chinese new year break. Took MC today, and slept for a majority part of the day, that's why it's difficult to fall asleep now.

Anyway, I received another piece of sad news today. Another family member has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Why do things like that keep happening to my family? Cancer has always been an unfamiliar term in the family, until the past few years. 

We have yet to heal from how cancer stole the life of my aunt back in 2023, and now we have to deal with another case of cancer in this family. I still can't get over how we thought my aunt was on track in her recovery process, only to be diagnosed with leukaemia and passed away on the same day of her diagnosis. We had no time to mentally prepare ourselves for this. 

F cancer. 

hitting a new low in life.

I hit a new low in life last Thursday, 3 Oct. 

Our affiliates invited us for a bonding session over dinner and drinks. We had dinner at SimplyLive, and the food was really not too bad (mainly finger food since it's like a karaoke bar concept). 

We had a huge glass of beer each, and we shared 6 bottles of soju among 5 of us, and the drunks were downed very quickly because we played games and those drinking games usually end in a flash. 

Perhaps we ate too early, and too quickly, that when the second round of drinks arrived, my food had already digested and I started feeling queasy. I was fine when sitting down, but the moment we stood up to leave the bar, I immediately told Yvette, "Shit, I'm going to puke."

I started gagging and letting out gas (from my mouth, not from my ass HAHAHA), and seconds later, I keeled over and started puking. No food came out, just lots of liquid, probably my gastric juice???? 

I puked twice. Ben (Yvette's husband) arrived to pick her up and he saw the scene and he burst out laughing like mad. Right after vomitting, I stood upright and told everyone, I AM FINE. It's true, I instantly sobered. It wasn't like those scenes in dramas where people immediately knock out after vomiting. Instead, I really sobered up. My stomach instantly felt better and I stood upright, as if nothing happened. It's really quite funny now that I think back about it. 

Not going to lie, it was lowkey embarrassing to be puking in front of people. It felt so dirty and loserish, but it was truly an interesting experience, to hit such a low moment in life. 

I usually hold my liquor well, so I (and Yvette) were very shocked over this. 

On a random note, Olivia Ong was celebrating her birthday at the bar, and the band invited her up to sing the iconic 如燕. This song is truly a masterpiece. Mediacorp is currently filming the sequel to Little Nonya and I will definitely watch it!!

Good company (not my company but the people yeah), good vibes. If only every moment at work is filled with joy. 

#dreamlog 1 - my precious ah mah.

I haven't dreamt about my ah mah in a very very long time. 

On Friday night, I dreamt that I was sharing a bed with my ah mah, and I finally got to see her. I shouted "AH MA 我很想你!!". The ah mah in my dream kept combing my hair, as how she had always done so for me when she was still alive. It is also interesting to note that in my dreams, my ah mah always remains silent and do not talk. Instead, she always gives a gentle smile. 

I miss you my ah mah. We are approaching your 5th anniversary in a few more weeks. 

an exit strategy.

I've been mulling over things for several weeks now, and I think it's time to finally plan my exit strategy from this company. I have always said this in passing but things have gotten so ugly and taken a turn for worse that I think that my mental health is at its all-time low now. I have three upcoming trips (excluding the business trip in October which I am no longer keen in going for), and this means, by end of of November, I should be sending out some resumes to companies. The thing about this is the job market is really really bad now. And it also means I will also forfeit my bonus. But for the sake of my mental health, perhaps this is worth a gamble.

I'm just sad because my colleagues (all except one) have become an integral part of my life. They are my mentors, who guided me when I was a fresh grad and clueless to how corporate life is. They are my sisters whom I never had. They are my work mothers, who baby me at times in the office. They are my friends, whom I will even spend my time outside of work with. 

It is sad that things have come to this because of one sickening colleague and a boss who does not know how to manage his staff. But I am really really tired and I do not know how much more I can tolerate shit at work.

anxiety.

I'm experiencing so much anxiety:

1. Work.
Because I absolutely hate my assigned scope and how much my company has changed ever since the monster joined my company last year. 

2. Travel
I always have so much pre-trip jitters that I can't even bring myself to start packing my luggage.

Life is hard. 

"message sent".

my heart hurts so damn much. 

I was sending pics to my family group chat on whatsapp, and then I wanted to see if my cousin has seen the photos which I had sent of her son, so I clicked the info tab to see who has seen the messages. And I was greeted with this glaring image of my "message sent" to my late aunt. It hurts that my messages will forever be "message sent" and never be "seen by" her anymore. 

Slightly over a month ago, my other aunt informed me that she has cancelled Aunt Jo's handphone line, because it does not make sense to be holding on to her old line anymore. I know we have to be rational and cancel her number, but it just really sucks. 

How does one even get over the grief of losing a loved one?