you are a lotus flower.

"Lotus flowers take time to reach full bloom.
    About 100 days --   
    Fifty to get 90% of the way there,
    and another fifty for the remaining 10%.

    When the end doesn't seem in sight.
    When you've worked hard for so long, but see no change.

    Remember the lotus flower.

    Though, on the outside, you might not appear to be moving,
    you are a lotus flower, struggling on until that last 10% blooms.
    You are a lotus flower, still blooming, even if it's happening beneath the surface."

- Dancing Snail, I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode

in a world of 2fas.

locked myself out of my wordpress --> tried to reset password --> had to verify password on hotmail --> locked myself out of my hotmail. 

I'm devastated.

Say you'll remember me.

"Mom was standing in the door of the gazebo watching us. She was beaming from ear to ear. She knew. Something ingrained that told her she was seeing true love. Her heart remembering even though her brain had forgotten. She didn't know who I was or who he was. But she still knew what love was. 

Maybe that's the last thing we forget. Or we never forget it at all. Not really. We lose the words to say it. We lose the ability to show it. But we never lose the ability to feel it or recognise it when we see it.

Love is the brightest colour in a gray world."

- Abby Jimenez, Say You'll Remember Me

#dreamlog 3 - missing you once again.

I don't remember much about this dream I had a few days ago. All I remember was that I dreamt of my aunt once again. I was hugging her so tightly in my dream. She felt real. So real. I was crying in my dream, and I woke up with tears streaming down my face. It was 5am. 

Thank you for appearing in my dreams. I miss you always. 

#dreamlog 4 - seeing the aurora once again.

The other day I was telling mum that I couldn't believe we actually went to Finland and how amazing that trip was. We did so many activities that I never thought I would have ever done - chasing the northern lights, floating on a lake in sub-zero temperature, riding an ATV/snow mobile etc. 

Just on Sunday I was taking an afternoon nap, and I dreamt that we actually saw the aurora in Singapore, in freaking summer. I remember the colours we saw - pink, yellow and green. They were so beautiful and visible to the naked eye as well. 

I miss Finland. 

#dreamlog 2 - a laughable confession.

The other night at Yvette's house, we had a few glasses of wine and played a couple of rounds of jenga and king's cup. One of the challenges was to name Singaporean Boys' names, and Elvin came up. The next day, I was also added into a group chat by my friend, providing me a list of songs to sing at her wedding (I am helping out by singing at the church). These 2 events set the plot for my dream 2 nights later. 

In my dream, I was asked to be a bridesmaid for my friend, SX. Coincidentally, Elvin Ng (mediacorp actor) was one of the groomsman. In the dream, there was this scene where the bridesmaids and groomsmen were introduced to one another, and we started playing icebreaker games. All of a sudden during one of the games, Elvin Ng wanted to confess to me. I kept saying "NOOOO CANNOT. ROMEO ZEN ME BAN??!!" (if you know, you know HAHHAHAHA)

I didn't end up with him in the dream coz I wasn't even interested in him. However, he did hold my hands during one of the icebreaker games. 

I woke up laughing HAHAHAH. Like the moment I opened my eyes my mouth was twitching from laughter. I didn't laugh out, but it was hilarious af. In my semi-consciousness between dream and reality, all I could think of was "OMFG ELVIN IS BI. I NEED TO TELL YVETTE." 

Freaking funny please. 

For legal reasons, this is all a joke. 

let's go home.

The other day I dreamt of my late aunt. 

I don't usually remember my dreams, so it felt like it had been a long while since she had appeared in my dreams. 

In the dream, I was on the MRT with my other aunts. When we were approaching Jurong East MRT station to change to the red line to head to their house in Yew Tee, I turned around, and my late aunt was there, sitting in the middle of the row of seats. Just like in every other dream, she does not speak. She simply sat there and smiled at me. I wonder why in all my dreams where my late family members appear, they do not ever speak. Anyway, she sat there smiling at me. I gasped and exclaimed and dashed towards her, and asked if she is going home with us. She gave a small nod and smiled. 

I was so happy I hugged her.

It was a beautiful dream.

Still missing you every now and then, my beloved leng yiyi.