of 2019.

Hi, it's been a really long while. I'm just too lazy to sit my ass down and type on my laptop because adulting is such an exhausting process. I come home feeling tired every single day, and crashing right after dinner. It's becoming a bad habit, I need to change this. However, I still think it's necessary to do a review of memories, both good and bad, of events in 2019, for my own memory's sake. I need something to look back to when I'm old and forgetful.

/edit/

This post has been sitting in my drafts since the end of Dec till today, Feb 17, and I still lack the motivation to finish it.

I started the year bad by making a serious mistake at work.

It was our non-official work day and we made a mistake by not checking our accounts. It was my first mistake after getting probation and it really freaked me out. My then assistant manager, now manager, didn't directly scold me but he was really snarky about it and kept reminding me of my mistake and he even said the f word, not at me, but at the situation. It really freaked me out and I wanted to cry HAHAHA. I was so scared that I would cause the company trouble, but thank God all things worked out.

I had a fall this year and cracked my iPhone 8+.

This really broke my heart HAHAH. You can read all about it here. I eventually got a replacement food all thanks to the mobile swop I had subscribed with Singtel.

I continued classpass, and eventually ended membership with them because of the price hike.

All thanks to classpass, I got to try a variety of activities, such as boxing, barre, pilates, yoga etc. I might consider returning to classpass in 2020 after I am done paying my instalment of my new iPad.

Sometime in mid-Jan, we welcomed a new baby into our big family.

My beloved cousin, Pris, gave birth to her first child, Baby Jasper. We really love him a lot because he is such a smiley baby, albeit being really naughty.



I had a bad stye and took leave for a few days.

Surprisingly this was the only MC that I took in 2019.

Gave the parents their first CNY angpaos.

Hehe they deserve it.

I went for many dance classes @ o school with XM.

I have since stopped going because XM is looking for other studios, and I am also too lazy to go out for dance anymore. But they were fun while they lasted.

Started reading a hell lot in 2019.

This is largely due to XX. She introduced me to a new reading app (HELLO XX) and the interface is so adorable and user-friendly. I was also so impressed by how our NLB has so many ebooks available!! However, it is now harder to borrow popular books because A LOT MORE people are using the app now and I'm always placed on hold T___T I think I will do another post on the books I've read in 2019.

Hello Burpple Beyond.

Bought the burpple beyond pass when it was still cheaper (it's like twice the price now wth) and it's really very useful, for people who love to dine out. I often use to it treat my mum to good meals because she is very thrifty and always scrimps on food. She used to tell me how she envies it when my cousins bring my aunt out for good meals, so I want to treat my mum the same as well. She really enjoys it.

We bought a sewing machine and I started embroidering more.




Too lazy to dig through the photos but I really enjoy embroidering and it can be therapeutic.

Went for a 10km marathon with the bff.

It's our first marathon together and definitely not the last!! Proud of her because it's her first ever marathon!!

My mum "retired" and went back to the work force LOL.

She finally left the shit hole of a company she was with and stayed home for less than a month, before she got bored and joined another law firm.

Went to JB with the mum.

It's our first "overseas" trip as a duo. It was fun. I brought her around the cafes and ate good food and had a nice massage.

A new colleague.

We had a new colleague at work, who is younger than all of us. We were initially apprehensive, but now we are all very close haha.

Went to Batam with the choir girls.

It was such an impromptu trip that happened without any planning HAHA. My highlight of the trip was definitely the massage. We anyhow went to a random store and the service was so so good. And also we were reading online on how they hate it when tourists book grab and we were like damn scared we would get beaten up if we booked a grab. We succumbed to pressure and eventually took a local taxi, which is definitely a scam because the price difference was around 3x or 4x if I remember correctly. But ah wells, better to spend money than to get beaten up HAHA.

I won a giftaway on Instagram held by bellywellyjelly.

First ever giftaway won!! Randomly joined a giftaway that I had forgotten, and really got such a pleasant surprise haha.

Attended a wedding.

This is huge because it's the first wedding I attended without my family, and as an adult/colleague LOL. Got shocked by the angpao-giving custom.

Visited Bloomberg's office.

The company sent me on a course at Bloomberg because we have to use the terminal regularly. It was so cool!! Their pantry is amazing. We LOVED IT.

Watched Cirque Du Soleil - Kurios.



We saw a massive discount online for the show because it was their last few nights here. Faster booked, and we got really good seats (very front), and the show was sooooo good!! So glad that ZX asked if I wanted to watch it because the performers were really professional.

HAHAHA anyway I did not manage to take a lot of photos because too immersed in the performance. And I also didn't take a photo with the signs outside, only managed to take a photo of the tent, then I photoshopped myself in HAHHAHA. If you realised, this picture of me is from the Lion King musical photo that I had taken in 2018 HAHAHAH my photo edit skills is really quite up there HAHA.

Two days later, I watched Aladdin the Musical with my cousin.

We had booked the tickets on a discount because someone we knew had discount, but turns out that there was an even better sale on the last few nights of the show because EVERYTHING MUST GO. But our tickets were still a steal.

The show was simply amazing. The vocals were so good, but what I loved the most was the genie. He was SO HILARIOUS and definitely a scene-stealer. The costumes of the cast were so gorgeous also!! Everything was so bling. I really love musicals!!

Went to the new Jurong Lake Park with my friends on National Day. 



We had a really fun time taking lots of stupid photos at the park. I think the plan was to trek across Singapore to some park in the east but it failed. We only ended up at one park and we called it a day HAHAHA.

We got a new helper for my grandma.

Long story short, we had this helper for my grandma who worked with us for at least 4 years, and we were all very close. Some time in May, she went back to Indonesia, met a guy, and wanted to get married. She came back in June, and started showing a lot of patterns. One day when my aunt was sleeping, she sneaked into my aunt's room, retrieved her own phone, and contacted the guy. It was not the first time she did that because we were always not at home. We lost trust in her, installed cameras at home, and realised that she had been telling my grandma to die, so that when my grandma dies, we won't need a maid, then we will send her home, and she will be happily married. We were furious, sent her home, and got a new helper.

Turning 24.

Turning 24 was nothing big, honestly. But I feel so blessed as usual. My friends from 2J held a lovely surprise again for me at a staycay and we had so much fun!! My colleagues too, blessed with lots of favourite food - lots of bubbletea, a delicious cake from my favourite bakery Chateraise etc. And of course, grateful for my family for showering me with love.

Camping for JJ Lin's concert tickets.

It was my first time camping for tickets with so much anxiety! Had decided to go for the concert without asking anyone, so I had to be shameless and ask around if anyone would allow me to tag along, but sadly, most people had already found their own quartets to go with. But I was really lucky to be able to snag the tickets.

The new helper came / grandma's fall.

The new helper came. In the second or third week when she came, my grandma fell off her sofa, because she tried to walk on her own without asking the helper. It was horrifying when we watched the playback on the CCTV camera because it really broke our hearts. The fall left her with a really bad blackeye, but fortunately, there was no signs of concussion.

The fatal fall.

Then in the same week, on a Saturday night/Sunday midnight, my grandma had a bad fall again. This time she fell off the bed. Wow this is getting really difficult to write because the whole thing keeps replaying in my head.

Her bed is really high, so she fall was bad. Her head bled a little, from the abrasion with the ground. We sent her to the hospital. This is the first time in at least 20 years that my grandma has ever gone to a hospital. She was hospitalised for around a week, and we really panicked. It all changed after this fall. Her dementia seemed to take a massive turn. She stopped talking, she got really aggressive and scolded lots of vulgarities, she got violent and bit people and the nurses when they tried to take her temperature or do tests on her. She didn't want to eat or drink, and she will spit out everything consumed. She barely recognised us. It really took a toll on everyone.

When she was discharged, the first day she seemed back to normal, talking to us etc. Who knew after that, she stopped talking, she couldn't walk on her own, we had to carry her around the house, she stopped eating (and this was really bad because she needed to eat to get nutrients) etc.

Korea. 

A week after her discharge, my mum and I had already booked tickets to Korea 3 months before the fall. I barely planned the trip because I didn't know if it would still go through, looking at my grandma's condition. My family assured us and told us to go, that they would take care of grandma, because being discharged meant that she was more or less ok, or so we thought.

2 days into Korea, after dinner, my mum received a notification on her phone. My aunt had messaged into a group chat with church members to ask them to pray for my grandma, because she was en route to the hospital. Mind you, they didn't inform us. We might have not known if my aunt had not forgotten that my mum was in the groupchat. They even wanted to keep it from us until we came back from Korea wth I can't even comprehend.

The passing of my beloved grandma, 4th October 2019. 

My mum panicked, started crying in public. It was the first time that I felt that I had to really be the adult of the family. I quickly contacted my cousins, and told them to check the flights for me. We rushed back to the hotel to pack up. Halfway through packing, a church member wrote in the same groupchat, "Sorry for your loss." We were not the first informed of this, and it sucks that we had to find out from an outsider that my grandma had passed away. It was an utter nightmare.

We hugged each other and started bawling our hearts out. We were really fortunate in a sense that SQ heard of our situation, and changed our flights FOC for us. We had to sit separately, and I even got a taste of sitting at an emergency seat (if there was any emergency situation on flight, I had to help out) because the flight was full.

Korea is now a place to me filled with bittersweet memories, and I don't think that I have the courage to return there, at least for now.

The funeral. 

Everything was a blur throughout the wake. I had to deliver the eulogy for her wake. In total, I presented the eulogy during the Chinese service, during the English service (where I couldn't continue and cried for a bit). During the funeral before her cremation, I had to give another eulogy. I was so mentally exhausted, but my family told me grandma would have been proud of me, and that was really comforting, but a traumatic experience.

This is really very difficult and painful to talk about. I still miss her a hell lot.

Leaving my dad at the crematorium. 

This was a really funny story. After my grandma got cremated, we were all crying. I was bringing my mum to the toilet, and we didn't know that my dad was waiting outside. So we walked past him. We boarded the bus and we didn't notice he wasn't around because there were 2 buses. I only started finding him when we arrived home, and was like WHERE ON EARTH IS MY DAD. He had attempted to call us but our phones were on silent so we didn't know. HE WAS HELLA ANGRY HAHAHAHA. He had to take the public transport home alone. I feel so bad thinking about this but it's really a funny story to tell.

Helper started moving in.

With the passing of my grandma, we had to find a new employer for the new helper. As she only joined for less than 2 months, if we were to send her back to the agent, she would be even more in debt. My family being nice and all, decided to keep her for one more year. If the employer is above a certain age, there would be an alleviation in the maid levy, so my dad was the only eligible person in the household. Hence, we had no choice but to take her in, so she is living with us now.

Of course, there are pros and cons to this. Pros - my house is really tidy now, and my mum has less chores. Cons - my social life is non-existent. I have to rush home to be with her because my parents don't want her to be left alone at home (my dad has night classes at poly); plus, she does not have a very good working attitude, and likes to do things her own way. We just have to bear with it for around 10 months more.

RVC(S) Limelight performance.

Some time early this year, the alumni got asked if we were interested to perform at the limelight concert @ the esplanade. A bunch of us agreed because we miss performing in the choir, so it was months of practice (did we even turn up for at least 10 sessions HAHAHHA) and it was so nostalgic. But definitely can see the younger kids are very different from us. We used to be so afraid of seniors, and very diligent in our practices, but kids these days seem so pampered. We sang a bunch of songs that we had sung when we were younger. Gosh I really miss singing, but I still suck as ever HAHA.

JJ Lin's concert.

Finally got the chance to attend his concert and it was truly amazing. His vocals are perfect. How can one sound so good singing live??!! In fact, he sounds even better than his recordings!! True perfection. There was some drama regarding the seats which I shall talk about another day because thinking about it makes me boil.

Family trip to JB.

This finally came through after a long long while, but unfortunately, my grandma was not alive to see this day. We had a relaxing 2 days 1 night where we bonded and relaxed.

The end.

Honestly I might have missed out a few details here and there which I may or may not revisit to add in, because #procrastinator here. But 2019 was really a wild ride. When you think life couldn't get any more dramatic, you are wrong. In 2020, I wish for my family to be able to stay close-knitted with the absence of my grandma. I wish for the patience to deal with my aunts' grieves. I pray for the good health of everyone around me especially with the virus spreading. I wish for fulfilment in everyone's lives and to be able to value-add. I wish to be able to keep my head up in difficult times.

And now, I can finally end off this post that has been rotting in my drafts. I want to be able to write more here.

Presenting to you, my first post of 2020.

x,